I had such an incredible day yesterday. I had my 6 month follow-up with my surgeon and it made my day. No, not just my day…it made this last 6 months totally worth it!
First off, I always weigh in on the morning I am going to visit the doctor. I want to compare scales. So, yesterday still half asleep; I stepped on my scale. 189.9? Is that even possible? Last Thursday, on my 6 month Anniversary I weighed 192.6. Heck yeah it’s possible! I have been sweating my ass off at the gym, pushing fluids like crazy and being extra careful with the foods I have been eating. What better feeling then to break into the 180’s on my follow-up day! I appointment was that afternoon so I was well prepared not to weigh 189.9. But I DID!
My surgeon’s PA, Robin came in the room and asked, “Just how far out from surgery are you?” I said, “Six months, why?” Then she says, “80 pounds? DAMN!!” I had the biggest smile of my face. I told her it didn’t even seem real at times.
Sometimes I catch glimpses of myself walking by a mirror or window and I do a double take. Then other times when I am trying to look at myself I don’t see that much of a difference. I see the sagging here, cellulite there…all the yucky stuff. I’m sure I have some form of body dysmorphia going on. Any who…Robin asked about my protein and liquid amounts, she was overall very pleased. Then out of the blue says she would like for me to consider coming to speak at one of the Weight Loss Surgery Seminars that pre-op patients have to attend. I am thinking…What?? Me?? The FAT girl come talk to others about losing weight?? She said she needed success stories to help new patients relate and I was definitely a success story. I told her I would consider it and let her know. That scares the crap out of me but in another way I think it would be good for me. It is an honor to be asked and it would be something totally out of my character. Breaking out of the comfort zone is what this journey is mostly about for me. Food can no longer be my comfort. Although there are still days when all I want is some food to comfort me. Food is not a solution to any of my problems except hunger.
I once felt so self-conscience at the gym. I didn’t want to do anything to draw attention to myself. I would get on the stationary bike at the back or the treadmill at the back. Now, I could care less. I went in the other day and all the treadmills were taken and lined up in front of the treadmills are the ellipticals. Not a soul on the ellipticals. I got right up there, right in the middle of the row. I would have NEVER done that before. This journey is about me, no one else. I can’t care about what other may say or may think about me.
For the first time in my life I think I can honestly say; I am not ashamed of myself and my appearance. I still have times that I feel uneasy about wearing certain things, but I’m getting better with that. I am not finished losing. I am not where I want to be yet, but I am so far from where I once was.